Love. For as long as I can remember love has utterly confused me. It seems that people are continually labeling ordinary emotions such as loyalty, devotion, comfort, responsibility, insecurity, familiarity and fear as love. How can one truly identify love? How does it come to be? How long does it last? And how could one trust it? Sometimes I imagine what it would be like to be in love. I imagine what it would be like to miss someone, to worry about their safety, to wonder what their doing. The closest I’ve ever come to this feeling was when I met a small black puppy. I found myself constantly preoccupied with the puppy’s safety, hoping he was being treated kindly and imagining what it would be like to snuggle him. These moments are short lived, and I return to being perplexed by canoodling couples and over used terms of endearment. Love is something that everyone wants. And why is this? Could it be the feeling of love surpasses every other emotion? It seems nothing feels better to a human being. Since the beginning of time people have committed every conceivable atrocity in the name of love. For some it’s possible to be in love with love. From what I have observed this feeling of being in love with someone is like having every molecule in ones being leap to attention. But is it love when someone happens to fit all my physical, intellectual and emotional requirements? Wouldn’t it just be chance? Why call it love? Isn’t it just a unique coincidence? As people we persist in excessively using the term love for everything that pleases us. “I love that bed spread” or “Did you see that movie, I just loved it” or “I absolutely love that shade of yellow, I would love to paint my upstairs bathroom that exact color” You see! It is my belief that we have trivialized this emotion to the point where it means no more to us than a delicious meal. You savor the meal, the act of eating it is agreeable, you recall the meal fondly and think to yourself “I loved the way my steak was cooked and the mash potatoes! I would love to have the recipe” It appears we find true love numerous times a day. We find it in everything comforting and enjoyable. But what makes acquiring the love of another person so enticing? Why is it that we place that love above all the others? At some point in every person’s life their eye turns singly toward the pursuit of what many consider the world’s most definitive prize. The love of another human being. The love that that person offers, gives the recipient a sense of importance, of superiority. When one is publicly ill-treated, the thought, that there exists in the world someone who believes that they are the personification of perfection, lessens the wounding impact. But what of those who have no such alter-ego? What of the ones that are overlooked and by their would/should-be pursuers? One of two things usually happens. The first become enfeebled and feel personally attacked at every turn. People in this fragile state are more often than not unpleasant to associate with and tend to murmur continually about their solitude. This behavior only increases their feeling of inadequacy and need of constant reassurance of their value. Unfortunately, I have no advice to offer as to how to deal with such a person . If you truly care for them, I would suggest not pushing them in front of a fast moving train. If you do not care for them, by all means get rid of them. The chances of them being rehabilitated are slender indeed. The second group of slighted individuals become thick skinned, reality driven and optimistic. I am one such individual. I hope one day to feel more for a human being than I do for a puppy or my bed spread.
(This thought was written three days before I met my future husband...odd)
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